“See a penny, pick it up. Then all day, you’ll have good luck?” Really? What if it’s a bad penny? What is a bad penny? i will try to explain it the best i can…
bad penny
This is what I say when there’s that feeling in my chest-
cold, metallic.
Coppery like old dead blood.
Useless.
That’s why I say it.
Bad penny’s what I call it.
A bad place outside digging at our insides.
It spreads out slow and steady from that place we call heart.
It’s that place that is your heart literally:
life-giving blood muscle,
and that place we think of as our heart meaning the heart of our being.
Our quick.
It spreads out,
pushing everything aside and filling you up with bad penny.
You breathe deep.
You have to in order to fill that space,
to make it good again.
You breathe so deep,
so deep,
but can’t be filled.
There’s not enough air to dislodge it.
And when you got bad penny,
ever notice how on the exhale,
you’re shaky?
The breath trembles,
starts and stops on its struggle outward?
It’s a bad way, a deep hurt,
shock anger love hate.
That’s because Abe’s hands don’t want to let it go.
Abe’s hands want to keep the air and bend it,
make it sticky,
rusty.
And that sound!
Terrible sound that I can’t directly describe.
It’s not a cry so much as a tear,
a rendering,
wrenching and primal.
An escape-
desperate escape from the hollow where you once were.
Choking.
Choking up the bad penny is what I like to call it and once that sound comes out of you,
the bad penny begins to melt.
Molten copper filling,
then spilt from eyes and suddenly!-
there’s room!
So the bad penny’s tossed up upon the ground,
like so much nothing.
Worth something so worthless…
Like myself.
(copyright 2008 ) c A Hughes
09.26.08
Christine,
I loved it all, but the last line. Not like you. This is one of your most unique takes on things. It never ceases to amaze me where you mind goes and what it does once it gets there. Visercal, raw and deep. Love it.
Annie
You know i had to put a little pepper in it, Chica.
i haven’t done it for a while. i won’t do it anymore-
or try not to.
Thanks for the rest though. i’m pleased you liked it.
~c
Hi c.
A bad place outside digging at our insides. c I loved that line. Wow ! you cover so much here. Yes you write very deep don’t you, I will read this again, I love deep , I do deep but need more than a first read for this.
Thank you with deep smiles
Di
~~~~Worth something so worthless…
Like myself.~~~~~ awwwww!!!
Thanks you Di.
i find it difficult to keep myself completely out of my work, i do try though.
Thank you for all the lovely compliments.
~c
i know this feeling, and as i was reading, thought only of the feeling and not who/what jumpstarts it for me. until you got to the line about Abe– and then, as a reader, my head blossomed with memories of my who and what and empathy for your who and what. this is one of the things you do so effectively. you show us your (the author’s) feeling, and allow us a means for interpreting our own.
‘course, i guess you know how i feel about that last line…
i know.
i couldn’t resist it.
Thank you so much for what you’ve said!
i feel shy about it but also i love it.
i love the ability, but it’s hard to acknowledge it for myself.
i’ll leave it to you.
~c
I’ve upchucked a few bad pennies. It feels great to get rid of them. Just didn’t realize I was doing it until I read this. Great, c, as long as you don’t mean that last line about yourself. !!
It’s always better afterward- release.
Thank you for reading and liking.
~c
Oh wow.
Just wow.
W-O-W. You wow me time and time again. You never cease to amaze me, Christine, with your words. Just simply wow.
Thank you!
:blush:
~c
This was absolutely stunning!
A wonderfully apt representation of those feelings; so very precise. The penny that becomes the symbol of our state of being. Wow!
Thank you very much.
And welcome Sumedh.
~c
Might you be interested in a game of tag?